Peace From a Broken Heart

I should probably put a disclaimer at the start of this post...it's personal, and a little deep, but it's life right now! I apologize ahead of time! ;)

"Sometimes, crying is your eyes way to speak when your mouth can't explain how broken your heart is".

It's been one of those emotional days...We all have our share of surprises, I know, but some things happen that literally make your heart ache. Hurt. Leave you speechless. Create a multitude of questions in your mind. 

Pretty sad day for the household! My mom told me today that she would be moving about an hour and half away before the end of the year. It makes me sad. So very very sad. Sad because I want to keep her here. Sad because I don't understand. Sad for my niece, who's life will be changing in magnificent ways in the middle of her school year. Sad because I think it will be exhausting for her. Sad because my children's life will be changing in significant ways once again...they will miss Nina very very much (we have just now sort of gotten used to missing our Papa and Rosey!).

 If I don't do anything else right, in this life, I hope that somehow I help my babies adjust to the inevitable change of life. The ones you know are coming and the ones that you don't. I hope that I not only help them adjust to change, but help them to rely on faith and believe that God never leaves their side. Never forsakes them. Always works in every situation to accomplish His will, even when people do things different than we would like.

I, yesterday, began the process of accepting things for what they are. Accepting them for what they will be. Different doesn't even seem to really touch it, but it's the best word I can find. A year ago, and for many years before, my mom and I had what I would consider an AMAZING relationship. So many laughs, tears, steps forward...together. We were together. A team. An inseparable team! In the last 5 months, things have changed. I would have kept things just the way they were until the end of time! But, I guess that's just not the way it was meant to be! And maybe it's just being a little selfish on my part! And as sad as I am, and as much as I will miss seeing her on a very regular basis...I must accept. So, I began the process of  accepting and letting go! I don't quite know yet how to do that, but I know that I must. I can not say if it's the right thing or the wrong, but I can say that I will miss her sooo much. So much more than I can even say. I will miss us. I will miss what we had. I can remember so many times I just had to pick up the phone and she was there. It didn't matter what or why, she was there. I love my mom so much! She is the kindest, gentlest woman I know. And I really want her to be happy! I really do! 

I am terrified of living in this town without my mom or Chris' parents. As I muddle over it again and again, I become a mess. I am scared to move forward, but I know that walking through it is the only way to get to the other side. So I will walk and pray for peace and acceptance to come.

"Peace is the result of retraining your mind to process life as it is, rather than as you think it should be"....boy has this been a tough one to learn over the last year and a half! Whew! ;) Thanks for bearing with me!! This is life! I will bring happier thoughts next time...because there is SO MUCH happy in this little house of love! :)