My Little One

I glance down and see my growing belly, and I smile...

Today, I found myself sitting in the same chair at the same time as I was exactly a year later, waiting to see the doctor and hear the news I already knew, we were expecting a little one but had lost him/her, but today, this time it was for a good reason and the sun was shinning and all was well, and yet I have a little one I can't forget who's been on my mind off and on for days as we approached the year mark. Most have forgotten, but this mommy can not. Today was bittersweet, remembering the sadness I felt a year ago and overwhelmed with joy as heard your beautiful heart beat. 

I smile because soon we will meet! I will hold you in my arms, see your beautiful face and smell your fresh newborn skin! Honesty, some days it's hard to accept weight gain again, sleep is illusive, and days start early, but then with your tiny kicks and rolls, I am reminded of what a precious gift is growing inside. A sweet beautiful healthy baby. Boy or girl, I don't know, but I know we all love you so! We can't wait hold you close and to swaddle and feed this precious little one who will complete us. I can only imagine the unspeakable joy you will add to our lives and the lives of those around you. Many people wonder what we are thinking or how we could possibly want "another"...you. You are why. We haven't met in person but you complete our hearts. Daddy and I have always been pretty set on 4 babies, only God gave us 4 for earth and one for heaven! You will be our last, our tiny rainbow, and you are so loved and so wanted! With the beginning of your life, a chapter of your dad and my lives ends and new one begins. You will be our last baby. The caboose! This chapter of our life has been fun and amazing and so full of joy and now, as we come to a close, I am content in knowing you will be our baby. 

You have incredible older siblings who absolutely adore you and they haven't even seen your face yet! They talk about you and to you nonstop, they kiss and hug you every chance they get, they marvel as they watch you grow bigger and bigger in my belly. I can only imagine how much they will love you when they see your precious face! Grady constantly inquires about the "babysitter" (what he calls the doctor) and gives out the best spontaneous hugs and kisses. Ada is always, ALWAYS, talking to you. She can't wait to see you and knows you will be "cute!". And although she loves the idea of a sister, she has already bonded with you so deeply, boy or girl and can't wait to get her hands on you. You will no doubt recognize your sweet sisters voice, as often as she hugs and wispers to you. You go no where without some Ada love. Grayson is a little more reserved, but is always curious about how your growing and what it will be like when you come. He loves to feel your kicks, and will sit for minutes on end patiently waiting for one and the sweet look on his face when you give him a nudge and he is reminded there's a real tiny person in their doing is/her own little thing, is so so sweet. 

I'm a little saddened as we near the end of this journey together. I will have to share you. And as much as your daddy and I, and your brothers and sister want to love on you, I will miss having you tucked away and always with me. What special memories you will leave me with! You and I have made a great team, we have gone with the hustle and bustle and changes of life somewhat smoothly with only minor emotional hiccups! ;) We have had our quiet moments at night together, just the two of us when everyone else is sleeping, you have kept me great company and I will cherish it always 💗!

First doctors appointment of the last trimester was today and all is well! Your tiny heartbeat is so strong and sweet. In a couple weeks we will hear it again and then in a month we will get a small glance at your beautiful features and tiny hands and feet!  And then we will just wait! Wait for your debut! And without a doubt you are greatly anticipated and very loved! We love you little one! 

Hands behind your head, legs crossed and tiny little grin! Oh how I love you! 😊

These were at 20 weeks! Halfway...banana baby! :) 

God Shows Up

Over the past 7 days, we have made significant changes, obviously, all of which we feel to be absolutely the right thing, but change, good or bad, at times can just be overwhelming. The mixed emotions of more family moving away, the sheer magnitude of moving a family of six, and the daunting task of getting one chapter closed while opening a new all before baby comes in 3 months or less can just be a lot, or has proven to be for this hormonal pregnant lady! ;) 

We have had help just show up at the perfect times and we are so grateful to have such family and friends! ;) My mother in law drove down to keep the littles on moving day, my brother in law and brother helped us move our stuff, my sisters showed up to help me clean a little bit in the old house, a good friend dropped off food at just the perfect time, and my very best friend, who happened to be in town from West Virginia showed up, with all her sweetness and grace, for a short sweet visit, and my mom jumped in with both feet helping me get to a good place this past weekend! And looking back on the last seven days, these things make me smile, make my heart swell, and remind me how blessed we are. God used each of these people to remind me how He shows up.

It is so rare. So very very rare these days, that my mom and I can spend a weekend together. Often I step aside and let the children have their time with grandma because they need it. When it's been weeks apart, they miss her, and they need to catch up! Our life has been a whirl wind, I'm in the third trimester of pregnancy with our last baby, I've packed, cleaned, and moved and now began to unpack a family of six over the last month, the kids fall sports are in full swing, doctor appointments for the tiny one are every other week, and life just feels cRaZy! I think I'm more tired than I've honestly ever been in my entire life...and I've had 3 newborns! ;) To say I was overwhelmed and sort of alone feeling, most days, would be an understatement. Ha! 

 I didn't have to say much, she called one day, I answered and just cried, and there she was. She didn't ask what I needed she just did what she thought would help most. She cared for the children while Chris and I tried to accomplish a few things on our currently overflowing platter (it's not a plate anymore) and even ate a meal together, she slept on the couch surrounded with boxes, without a single complaint, she listened while I emotionally talked about all kinds of current things going on, and she walked with me through the grocery store, pushing my oh so tired self along, reminding me what I needed, she folded clothes while I just sat watching, and then she stood by me in the kitchen and helped me fill the freezer with prepared meals for the next couple months! She didn't leave until we were done and the last of the food was cooling on the counter. I think I have enough cooked meals to last until baby and that's mostly thanks her, holding my hand and pushing me to do what needed to be done.

This was in 3 days, she gave me three amazing days!  When she pulled out of the driveway, I was overwhelmed and reminded of all the times during growing our little family that she just "showed up". We don't always get each other and we have our moments, but this weekend, my mom showed up! She doesn't live close by anymore, and I'm still sad about that years later! Ha! She's not always available on a short notice, she has tons of other things and people to worry about, and honestly most of the time, I try to stay quiet and out of the way. But when you reach the end and you just need somebody, anybody, to step in and do it, just for a minute...just do it, without even having to explain what it is you need done, there she is. I'm so grateful, and slightly sad I can't keep her here forever, but I guess I wouldn't appreciate it near as much if she was always here to do it! ;) She's always been like this, the kind of person that will give to anyone who needs and loves beyond measure, and often, with several siblings and her blended family, I have to kinda wait my turn, but I can't tell you how much I desperately needed this weekend! 

I know, without a doubt that the things that have happened over the last several years, as painful as they were/are, they have helped mold me each and every day into the wife and mother

God has called me to be, and everything has grown Chris and my relationship even deeper and more solid. 

As I was standing at the counter, wrapping the last meal to put in the freezer, after my mom had been gone awhile, I realized just how grateful I was for this weekend and past week to the people who were willing to help or visit, I realized what a symbolic thing had happened and teachable weekend this was for me. We all have "stuff", things that overwhelm or weigh us down...God doesn't leave us, even when we feel alone. He won't forget us, even when the things we face seem seemingly insignificant to most, He's there, feeding us, giving us water, and making things happen when we just can't anymore. He gives us rest, a safe place to unravel. We don't have to be put together, we can just cry and He knows what we need. This weekend, I'm so grateful He sent aid, and I'm so overwhelmed by the blessings He's given us and as I sit here, wide awake at 2am, already making tomorrow's list, He's listening. It matters. And He will not leave us alone and in the days to come we will look back on this chapter, as we all do with each one in our lives, and realize just how we grew through it and just what a significant impact it had on us and our family. :)

             

The "Old" House

When you decide to move out of a family home and to another, it is for sure a bittersweet time. You begin to remember tiny details as you disassemble and pack up...the day you picked it out, what you changed about it, what love was shared in it. Then you go back in to final clean the empty "old" house, and as you scrub away the tiny handprints on the walls and floors, clean the spills up on the carpet, touch up chipped paint and make it look as inviting for the next family who will own it, you can't help but feel the heartstrings tug. This was home. It was the home we welcomed our second and third child in, it is a home our children will remember, it was the yucky house we could afford that we slowly worked to make our home. We updated each little part with our own touch and love. It was an amazing house to us. It was good to us. It will forever have part of our story etched into its walls and we are so blessed with the memories and time we had there. We pray that the new family who buys it will enjoy it just as we have! 

And then as you unpack your stuff into another house, different boards and walls, you realize even more that it's not the house, the actual home that makes it special, it's the people, the sweet little people that you packed up and moved with you that makes it so special. They will make new stories, have new adventures, write more of our book right here in this new home. 

Chris and I are so incredibly grateful to have lived 7 wonderful, learning, growing, memory filled years in our second home and now we have packed up and moved those memories with us. We look forward to what memories and special times we will have in our forever home. It wasn't planned, it wasn't foreseen, but it will be a blessing nonetheless and we are so thankful God writes the story before we even know what's next. Our new house is beginning to feel like home and we love it! :)

Let New Adventures Begin

"And suddenly...it's time to start something new and trust new beginnings."

Life is funny sometimes. Conversations happen, opportunities arise, and then you plunge. Plunge right into something new, something different, something a little "out of the plan". The last month has been one of those funny times for our little family. We decided, as a hypothetical situation in conversation, unfolded rather quickly and smoothly, that it was a clear nudge to go that direction, so with calm happy hearts we have embraced it and are enjoying the journey of a new chapter of our lives, the change involved saying goodbye to our closest and last family here in Aiken, as they move on to a new adventure of their own, and we are excited to see them pursue that but certainly sad to see them go.

We have moved to a new home, with some land and are working on getting all settled in.  Everyone is really enjoying the change so far! Chris and I always imagined our next move would be to a nursing home, we never planned to leave our house, but we are thrilled and so excited about this opportunity! The family has several acres to roam around on, it's quiet and private, and although we gave up a little on the house space the outside space is well worth it! It required us to minimize a bit on the "stuff" and honestly that was wonderful learning experience, too. The kids and I worked together to evaluate each and everything before we moved it. Is it something we love, can we live without, why are we keeping it? I tend to be a person who craves organization, order, and cleanliness (I think it's been something that has helped me through different stages of life), and the wonderful thing of minimizing is that with less stuff, the task of being clean and organized is so much easier! :) And a beautiful reward of decluttering is that with less "stuff" crowding your life and space, you have more time and space for the people and things that really matter, and most of the time you will find those are likely not material things...which can be so crowding and weigh us down so much in our lives. The kids have already spent countless hours exploring outside, using their imagination, making forts in the woods and just being together!

Through this adventure, my eyes have been opened even more and I have gained an even deeper apprectiation for my sweet man, the one I do this life with.

Here we are, expecting our last child, living in a new home, living in a town solo and taking on a new season of lasts together! I have no idea where I would be without this wonderful man of mine. I'm so grateful that he understands me, empathizes with me, meets me where I am, and is so willing to work tirelessly for us, his family. Just us. He does it all for us and we are so undeserving. Although circumstances might not always be easy, having him makes it easier. And together, we have fun. It's fun with him. Life. We learn more and more everyday that it's us. It's just us and whatever it takes, we will get it done and we will enjoy the journey! 

So here's to a new season of settling into our new home, awaiting the arrival of our very last little one and raising these little people to be just who God designed them to be. I'm so grateful for this man, for this life, and for this season. And as we adjust to being solo here in Aiken and finding new routines, having some extra space to roam and play and foster contentment together, may be just what we need.

At our new home, things are set up a little different from what we are used to...each big kid has their own room, for now, and our new baby will be with us for a good while and then share with whichever younger sibling they match, our living area is also used for school, which is much different from what they are used to but will work out very nicely, I think! Everything is open, as far as living space goes and of course we have 7 times the space outside than we used too! The drive is not much different from what we were already doing so that wasn't a factor at all. We seriously are thrilled with the change and look forward to the new memories and adventures our new home will have for us! :) We are all very excited about our first Autumn in our new house! Grady will celebrate his 4th birthday soon, we will welcome a baby and we will cruise right into our first holiday season in our new home! I can only imagine the fun we will have! :)

 We are so incredibly grateful that things have worked out according to His wonderful plan for our lives and seriously overwhelmed with happiness and thanksgiving to those who helped us along the way with all the details. So...let the new adventures begin!

**Sidenote, as we get settled in, bear with me as I plan to catch up the blog on the summer and new school year and baby bump's progress! THIRD trimester, y'all!! We are in the last third of this thing and the excitement is building (along with the fatigue! Ha) and we can't wait! :)